Giddy as a Schoolgirl

Excerpts from the table of contents to The Handbook of Zombie Emotions:
Chapter 1: Mm Braaaaaaaiiinnnsss
Chapter 2: Are you going to finish those brains?
Chapter 3: Dealing with feelings of remorse when eating family members

And so on. For the watchful blog reader, you may have noticed that I am a different blogger than the usual crew, and also female (not that it's unreasonable for any of these fine gentlemen to be giddy as a schoolgirl at any given time). I am extremely honored to be contributing as a guest, and can vouch for the Damaged, Inc. team as being one fine group of smart, quirky men who are utterly tolerable in many social situations. I am slightly partial to Freducate, being his girlfriend, but don't let that color your opinion.

I thought I would take this opportunity to share something that I recently imparted upon my current class of trainees. I am employed as a corporate sales trainer for a software reseller you've never heard of, and I take my duties quite seriously. Hehehe..."duty". Anyway, following a rant that I gave on the importance of taking lunch breaks, I proceeded to go on about why they should be grateful for the jobs they have. On an aside, for those people who "forget" to take lunch--I don't get those people. There are only about three good reasons I can think of for skipping lunch, including arson or plague, but being too busy is not one of them. So, back to the job pep talk, I thought I would share here a short list of reasons why your job, whatever it may be, probably doesn't suck nearly as much as you suspect.

1. Unless you work in some kind of landscaping or animal herding capacity, chances are you come in each day to a relatively climate-controlled, air-conditioned office. It may seem unnatural to be surrounded by flourescent lighting and small, strange walls serving to distinguish your area of desk, family photos, and useless chotchkes from the next guy's, but at the very least you are comfortable.

2. Think about the last time you complained about your job. Was it because your scroogish boss wouldn't let you leave for Christmas, or the felt in the hats you work with is making you insane, or that pesky King George just won't leave you honest-working colonists alone? No, it was probably something along the lines of "they don't pay me or appreciate me enough, and I'm not fulfilled in a spiritual way". Just the mere fact that we can complain about not being "fulfilled" is a privelege. It is indeed a luxury to not have to worry about putting food on the table, or a roof over our heads, or an XBox in every house and a reasonably priced sub-compact in our garages. So think about that the next time you sip coffee and allow yourself to stare wistfully out the window of the break room, dreaming of the day that you can finally take the time to write your novel/album/porno script. Heck, this is America--every red-blooded male, female, or other is entitled to that dream, but should remember that even having a dream is a luxury.

It just occured to me that this is slightly long-winded, so I'm going to cut it short. I'm sure I have other reasons for jobs not sucking to share, as well as plenty of reasons why it probably is awful and soul-draining, but those will have to wait for another day.

A heartfelt thanks to the Damanged, Inc. boys for letting me say my piece, and I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Love and ranting,
ARoll