Today I'd like to write a bit about why I enjoy "Bar Rescue" so much, and why I think it's the best "bad" show on TV. Your definition of "bad" may vary from mine; I conceive of "bad" TV as anything that doesn't aspire to high art or intellectual insight, doesn't explore any new ideas and doesn't differ procedurally from other shows of the same type. Using these criteria alone, "Bar Rescue" does not vary notably from any of a dozen reality shows which center around the restaurant world ("Restaurant: Impossible" and "Dinner: Impossible" immediately come to mind, though one cannot completely neglect the extremely, reprehensibly Canadian "Restaurant Stakeout" and any number of similar shows on other channels, seemingly cut from the same Anthony Bourdain let's explore the gritty side of restaurant life in a reality TV show ideal). But somehow, "Bar Rescue" is more interesting, more human, and keeps me glued to the TV all Sunday afternoon when I really should be outside pulling weeds (or something).
The premise behind "Bar Rescue" is quite simple: a bar is struggling and needs help. Help comes in the imposing personage of Jon Taffer, a brusque teddy bear of a bar/leisure genius whose claim to fame (in addition to being a charter member of the Nightclub Hall of Fame, whatever - and wherever - that might be) is creating his own company which consults the bar/nightclub industries. Whenever I hear Jon Taffer speak, I think of Mr. French from The Departed, who tells Leonardo DiCaprio's character (after roughing up a Southie local in a Boston bar): "Now, that's not quite a guy you can't hit, but it's almost a guy you can't hit." John Taffer seems like almost the kind of guy you can't hit - he sounds like a connected individual, if you know what I mean.
But I digress: as far as I can tell, the show has nothing to do with organized crime. Really it's about dysfunction, mismanagement, and the application of something vaguely referred to as "bar science" used - in combination with an overnight, extremely expensive renovation - to turn the bar around and make it more profitable. "Bar science" is a combination of demography, market research, common sense, and psychotherapy (mostly, it seems, the psychotherapy part, because BAR OWNERS BE CRAZY).
You would probably know this already if you've watched any of the shows listed in the second paragraph above, but some people decide to own bars for really stupid reasons. If you're like me, you've had that night at the bar with your friends where you decide opening a bar together would be the best idea ever. You've got a (drunken) plan that sounds fantastic; all you need is start-up capital. But then you go home, sober up, remember how much work it is to run a bar, and permanently shelve the idea. Amazingly, there are people in the world who've already acquired start-up capital, get drunk one night and then ACTUALLY BUY A FUCKING BAR. I don't understand how people forget crucial elements of starting a business such as "creating a business plan," "double-checking cash flow estimates," and "confirming you're not out of your goddamned mind," but hey, like P.T. Barnum once said, there's a sucker born every minute.
When I say these bars are in bad shape before Taffer gets there, I mean they are in really bad shape. They don't clean their keg lines, so beer comes out contaminated and skunked. Kitchens are never cleaned; basic sanitation rules are ignored; bugs can (sometimes) be everywhere. You would never want to eat (or drink) at any of the bars on "Bar Rescue." Additionally, mismanagement is rampant - some of these places have fights every night; others are glorified strip clubs. There are countless alcoholics running these places (which may or may not surprise you, depending on how much you know about the bar industry).
Others have the problems that don't belong to specific people, such as that of being an ill-defined concept - hookah bars in Omaha; golf-themed bars (apparently this never works), etc. Still others are in unfortunate locations, like in nondescript strip malls and off of tertiary country roads. Usually, it's some combination of the above. Long story short, these places are really messed up, and "Bar Rescue" (to its credit) doesn't spare the rod in describing the problems with the bars - including getting into specifics about the magnitude of debt the owners possess, and how much time they have to float their small business loan before they go out of business for good.
********
You should definitely watch the show if you're interested in watching how the bars actually get rescued. I can't do this justice in a single paragraph, but essentially it goes like this: Taffer and his companions (usually a master bartender/mixologist and a chef, though this depends on the context) work collaboratively to fix the personal and institutional dysfunction in the bar. First they observe the bar using hidden cameras, then Taffer enters the bar and addresses immediate issues. Then there's a "stress test", where the bar staff does the best they can without training (and falls flat on their faces, almost all the time). Next, training happens - sometimes, one or two bad seeds get fired in the process. The bar gets completely remodeled, often given a new name and/or a new concept, and three days later it re-opens under its new name. You (almost all of the time) see improvement. Taffer leaves; there's an epilogue where you learn how much bar sales have improved over the last six weeks or so.
It's cool to watch the logistics behind how Taffer fixes the physical issues with the bars. Whether or not you believe in "bar science," there's little doubt the dude hasn't picked up a ton of useful information in his 30+ years in the industry. He sees through issues and fixes them with a combination of bluntness, bluster and yelling (and MAN, can Jon Taffer scream - he seems like a very nice guy, but dude has a lightning-quick temper).
I'm not sure I buy the epilogues, though. It shouldn't be that easy to turn these things around. Looking at these essential bar problems as a businessperson, there's no way you can fix issues like "the manager's a drunk and has self-selected an employment position where they are constantly around alcohol" or "the bartenders have no clue how to serve drinks" in only three days. I worked as a waiter for a few summers before and while in college, and I was terrible at it. I eventually got a job at a fine dining place in Sea Bright, NJ, and could barely manage four tables at a time. I spilled wine on people constantly - I could barely balance a tray with three entrees on it. I sucked, and I sucked for reasons that weren't very fixable. You can't just come in for three days and fix suck. It takes a while to create a well-oiled machine...
But that's Hollywood for you, right? When watching it, you get the fantastical sense that "Bar Rescue" works. If I had the free time and disposable income, I'd want to go on a "Bar Rescue" road trip and talk to the people who work at these places - I have questions for them. Did they immediately revert back to their dysfunctional ways, after Taffer and his team left? Was it fun getting yelled at for a reality TV show? That's the thing about the whole shitty genre of restaurant reality TV: even if you don't know the characters, if you've ever waited tables or bussed or cleaned dishes at a restaurant before, you know the characters. There's a familiar yet odd combination of insanity, stupidity, back-breaking labor, gallows humor, substance abuse, and low wages about the people portrayed on "Bar Rescue." It all ends up being humanizing. With some (notable) exceptions, you want to root for them. If I ever did go on that "Bar Rescue" road trip, and the bar was actually pretty decent, you bet your ass I would tip well.
********
To conclude, some cool tidbits about "Bar Rescue":
- Taffer's only walked out on one rescue (that shitty O-Face bar in Iowa), but a few of the rescued bars immediately reverted back to their original concept after the "Bar Rescue" team left. Many more have since closed down - the Wikipedia page for Bar Rescue is a good resource for this (someone really pays close attention to this shit).
- According to iMDB, here's how the secret cameras work: The bars are told they are one of three bars in the area that might be selected for the show. But in reality, they're the only bar selected, and this helps keep everyone off-guard for when Jon Taffer walks in.
- Also according to iMDB, the renovation budget for each bar is huge (up to $100,000 per episode), even though certain upgrades (like Point of Sale systems) are leased and ultimately it's up to the bar owners to keep up with the payments.
No comments:
Post a Comment