19 Random Notes on our European Vacation

First and foremost, we had an absolute blast on our honeymoon.  Every day we saw at least one breathtaking historical sight, and every day we had at least one fantastic culinary experience, which was exactly what we wanted.  There will eventually be pictures of what we saw - the very best of them may end up on Facebook, but we're both sensitive to the fact that most people care very little about what photos other people post on Facebook, so we'll be careful about that.

In case you're curious about how the trip to Europe went, though, you can read the following:

1. We chose a Mediterranean cruise because we thought of the trip as a scouting expedition for further vacations.  It's impossible to spend only one day in Rome, or in Barcelona, and do much more than scratch the surface of what there is to see.  Future trips to both of these cities, at some point in our lives, are definitely in order.  We also wanted to explore the ports where we knew much less (such as Tuscany or Marseilles, France) to give them a taste, as well.  Tuscany turned out to be awesome - I'll get to that later - but Marseilles was a little boring (I won't say much about France on this post).
2. Our cruise ship, the Norwegian Epic, was indeed Epic.  It carries about 4,000 passengers and 1,700 crew members on board, and stretched a quarter of a mile forward to aft.  It included so many restaurants that, had our cruise been two weeks instead of one, we would have still not exhausted our meal options.  There were many activities, as well - a ridiculous number of bars and shows (we hit up Howl at the Moon three straight nights, and also saw the Blue Man Group, but skipped on Cirque du Soleil because April and I both find that stuff weird), in addition to a rock climbing wall, outside pool, and a casino.
3. They call the casino on the Epic the Epic Casino, and this was fair.  As soon as the ship hit international waters (about thirty minutes after leaving port), the hundreds of slot machines and dozens of table games opened.  All of the blackjack tables with minimum bets of less than $25 had automatic reshuffling machines, so it was impossible to count cards.  The dealers varied in their level of competency (on one memorable night, I might have called a blackjack dealer an asshole - this would have had me kicked out of Atlantic City, but on a cruise ship as a paying passenger they couldn't throw me overboard.  So I had that going for me, which was nice).  In general, April and I played a little bit every night and ended up even, but that was thanks to...
4. ...Let It Ride.  My God, how did I live 29 years of my life without playing Let It Ride?  It's a really fun game, and really social, as well.  Perhaps a bit more luck oriented (vs. skill oriented) than I'd prefer, but still, April and I both had much honeymooning luck playing the game.  I had a natural straight flush and natural trip-nines during the trip, and April (I think) had the same - my memory of this is slightly fuzzy, all I know is I left the table to smoke a Cuban cigar and came back to see my wife holding a bunch of $100 chips in her hand.  This is always a fun sight.
5. We made friends with fellow honeymooners on our cruise, a really awesome couple from Ohio with whom we did some fairly serious partying and who generously let me borrow 50 Euro for a few hours when my credit card wouldn't swipe for the tour bus in Barcelona.

6. Speaking of malicious incidents in Barcelona, their city buses need more warning signs.  The sliding glass door of the bus almost took off the fingers of my right hand, which was stuck between the door and the bar I was holding onto for dear life while standing.  I was able to escape this bus version of a lobstrosity (really random nerd reference here, but this happened less than a day after I finished reading The Dark Tower series and I needed to make the reference) only by relaxing and letting what was sure to be a bleeding cut on my knuckles happen.
7. After these two unfortunate events happened, I managed to have a wonderful day in Barcelona - one of my favorite cities on the trip.  What a beautiful city, and everyone should see the Sagrada Familia if they're interested in architecture.  What a Gaudi-ish structure.
8. The Tuscan countryside - and our visit to a Tuscan winery for lunch and wine - was another of my favorite days.  After exploring Pisa for a few hours (yes, we both took corny photos of us "pushing" the Leaning Tower), we went to a vineyard on the outskirts of Lucca.  Here, we went on a winery tour and had a traditional Italian lunch - this started with a small Caprese salad and cold antipasto plate, followed by bread and homemade olive oil, which was itself followed by a light homemade pasta dish.  If you're reading this in the United States and are wondering what one change you can make to your pasta to make the end product more authentic in nature, consider this - use less sauce.  For Italians, the harmony of flavors is between the homemade pasta, the olive oil, and whatever cheese you decide to include.  The amount of sauce is very minimal.  If all of the ingredients you use are tasty, you don't need mountains of tomato sauce to cover anything up.   Anyway, after the pasta we had more cheeses and meats, followed by homemade garlic bread, which was followed by dessert.
9. Each of these courses was paired with unlimited quantities of the vineyard's homemade wine.  And when I say unlimited, I mean everyone at our table got pretty drunk and rowdy with lunch.  We were sitting with our honeymooner friends (together, we were maybe the only ones under age 40 on the excursion) and about six older folks who I assume really wanted to party with us.  We made very good wine-fueled friends with everyone at the table over lunch.  At one point, of the older folks, upon learning about our honeymooning status, got up and announced our honeymoon to the entire vineyard (about four tour buses' worth).  Getting that applause was pretty cool.
10. Europe moves to the beat of a different drum than America.  You know some of this already; Europeans care less about timeliness (we were almost never on time for anything we did in Europe, and nobody cared) and European men love to wear form-fitting bathing suits.  I can't decide whether this is because Europe appreciates the male genitalia more than America does, or whether European men simply lack shame.  All I know is that I never want to know, when looking at a dude by the pool, what his junk looks like.
11. Barcelona and Rome are, respectively, the numbers one and two cities worldwide with regard to petty theft (e.g., pickpocketing).  We were both nervous about this in both cities, and made sure to distribute our funds and passports across multiple pockets.  But I think the key to not getting your pocket picked is staying vigilant.  The men and women who pickpocket are very cautious and they want to make sure their mark is both oblivious and vulnerable.  I tried to look like an asshole from New Jersey who would be fast/bold enough to chase a pickpocket down and tackle them free safety-style.  April held onto her pocketbook for dear life.  Whatever it was, it worked.
12. In addition to some generally amazing ruins, our walk through Pompeii included both an ancient whorehouse and casts of skeletons that died in the aftermath of the Vesuvian eruption.  We found both aspects of the tour fascinating (and took many pictures of each, including one piece of ancient pornographic graffiti so profound and disgusting that decorum prevents describing it here).  But many others found them controversial, perhaps because of their values or some shit.  People need to get a grip, take it easy, and enjoy the ride like Europeans enjoy the ride.
13. We were on Floor 13 of our cruise ship.  Many American hotels skip Floor 13 because they think it's bad luck.  I don't get this.
14. Speaking of enjoying the ride, Europeans allegedly drive like crazy people.  I don't know.  What I saw was a different set of social customs that included comparatively little speeding, compared to New Jersey, and driving was done at very low speeds compared to America.  The roads were, obviously, much older than American roads, but much safer and better maintained.  I was almost never worried while being driven around in Europe.
15. ...but that may be because I am not a stoopid Ameri-CAN (read that in your best French accent).  The most annoying aspect of riding on tour buses in Europe was hearing some old man or old lady from the South complain loudly about how European people drive.  Okay, okay, I get it.  European drivers don't care about stop signs, they don't yield, and traffic circles at least superficially seem to involve a modicum of taking your life into your own hands.  But the system works for Europeans - they were raised in it, they know it, and they'd have no clue how to handle driving in America just like you'd have no clue how to drive in Europe, so leave them the hell alone.  
16. I feel like the point I'm trying to make here is hidden between the lines, and it strikes me at this point that it may actually be a political point (though I'm not trying to be political here at all).  It certainly supports people shutting the fuck up and not imposing their culture on the culture that they're visiting.
17. My favorite meals on the trip were, in order: (1) the aforementioned Tuscan vineyard lunch; (2) incredible homemade mozzarella at a farm outside of Sorrento, which was much harder (but in a good way) than the mozzarella served in America; (3) a simple ham and cheese sandwich, combined with a traditional Spanish lager, at a food truck in Barcelona (the lager was served in a brewery glass, even though it came from a food truck); (4) a medium-rare ribeye and lobster bisque at the cruise's steakhouse.
18. Even though our we delayed our honeymoon for seven months after we were married, I didn't regret waiting for this trip at all.  I think we waited in order to do this the "right way" for us.  This has a little to do with me getting a throat infection right after the wedding (it would have made an immediate trip less fun) and very much to do with our state of mind.  The work's not finished right after you get married; you have lots of stuff to organize, gifts to put away (or, sometimes, return), thank you notes to write and many other tasks that I've probably forgotten.  I feel like by waiting a few months, we were able to do all the post-wedding stuff beforehand and just enjoy the trip.
19. Finally, two quick recommendations: when researching your cruise ship, go to one of those websites beforehand that lists people's minor complaints with the ship.  Had we done this, we wouldn't have been surprised to learn that, on the Norwegian Epic, cabins do not really have a private bathroom.  There is simply a frosted glass door that only serves to amplify the sounds inside (let's just say the wife and I made very strict bathroom rules for our trip).  Second, never use a travel agent unless you're absolutely clueless about your destination, and even then, do not use a travel agent.  Travel agents add about as much value in the year 2012 as soothsayers.

That's all, folks.