Grading Recent Commercials, Part III: The Potpourri Edition

We put a bid on a house last week and it was accepted earlier today.  We're in attorney review, and the next blog post will tell more about how all that jazz works out.  For now, let's blow off some steam by grading some more recent TV commercials.

As always, commercials are ranked on a standard grading scale, from A+ to F, where A+ is Ivan Drago and F is Tommy Gunn.

*********************************
Commercial #1: Why So Woman-Focused?


Sometimes, I look at a commercial and think: this is such a good idea in general, why do you make me not want to use your product so much?  This is true for commercials for most chocolate bars, TV dinners, and products used for cleaning the house, where I watch the commercial and wonder fuck the heck the advertising agency (no, most likely the client) was thinking.

I'll be honest: I am a manly man, and I love chocolate bars.  I occasionally eat TV dinners (even, gasp, "diet" ones), and I get my ass up early every Saturday morning and clean the apartment because I like to clean.  (No, I do not wear French maid costumes while doing so.)

So whenever someone (whether it's Dove chocolate or Bud Light) markets a product toward one gender only, I generally assume that they're okay with not doubling their sales.  We've become a society that despises both "girl talk" and "bro talk."  There's a way to get your product sold without catering to only men or only women, and if you're smart enough, you'll find it.  No matter what, the end consumer is smart enough to know when they're not being spoken to.  And this brings me to Angie's List.

Angie's List is a subscription service that exists in a number of metropolitan areas, which allows users to view and contribute to comments and rankings regarding local services, such as contractors, plumbers, housekeepers, etc.  It's like TripAdvisor, but because you're paying for the service one might reasonably assume that the comments are vetted and are of higher, more objective quality.

FWIW, I think Angie's List is a fantastic idea.  As but one example, there's this new generation of first-time homebuyers (and I am one of them) who are used to going on the Internet in order not only to find answers, but we also have the expectation that, among several answers, we should be able to determine which answer is "best".  Where past generations would typically ask family or neighbors for a plumber recommendation, we would rather determine which plumber in town gets the most positive five-star ratings.  We are the most empirical generation ever, and Angie's List speaks to this need by providing the raw data.

I've watched several of the Angie's List commercials (one is above), and all - except one - is clearly not only designed for women, but is overtly and (I feel) offensively designed for women.  The one above has a female narrator who hired a housekeeper who whistles an annoying tune, but is so good at her job that it's okay.  After she's done speaking, there's another narrator voice (again a woman) who pitches the service.  Oh, and everything at the end of the commercial is pink.  And almost every other Angie's List commercial is like this.

So I'm just going to say this, and move on to the next commercial.  Angie's List is not a tampon.  It is an excellent idea with mainstream appeal and many men would pay for it if it didn't make them feel like they were picking out window treatments.  Men need plumbers, too.

Grade: F, for Feminist, because that's clearly what I am.

******************************
Commercial #2: Smart People Like Animals, Stupid People LOOOOOOOVE Them

If you're like me and you don't deal drugs in East Baltimore, you also don't pre-pay for your cell phone.  You probably sign a contract with your cell phone provider and upgrade your phone for free every couple of years.  This is because you have a credit history - not a good credit history, but any kind of credit history at all.  I suppose lots of people do like to use burners, though, and RadioShack indeed has an ad for that.

In the below ad, nothing important is said.  It's just a male bulldog and a female cat, talking about stupid stuff.  You shouldn't click on the link to the video below, unless you want to lose brain cells.  It's hard to understand how anyone could possibly pay attention to this for more than a few seconds, but I'm going to play Devil's Advocate here and tell you what the commercial has going for it:

• The characters use Southern accents, which makes sense because the South has 31% of the money that the North has and burner phones are cheap.
• It features quirky animation, which at least grabs your peripheral attention.
• The conversation, while complete nonsense, is vaguely sexual, which is peripherally attractive to some people.
• It has dogs and cats, which OMG are sooooo cutttteeeeeee...

Obviously, I hate this commercial.  But I imagine that, like Sarah Palin, it's effective for the people it's supposed to be effective for (if this makes sense).  I'd personally rather have a two-year contract, but I also don't have to worry about Detective McNulty, so bully for me.

Grade: F

**********************************************
Commercial #3: What Detroit Got Right

I often critique car commercials, both because cars are awesome and because cars are super-expensive, which necessarily makes the art of selling them more important than would be selling, say, a set of Tupperware or something.  Over the past decade, no car-maker (domestic or foreign) has faced a tougher road than Chrysler. Their line of passenger cars and minivans has been notable only for its design flaws, poor quality, and lackluster look.  Compared with the other "Big Three" automakers - Ford and GM - Chrysler has certainly been behind the pack leaders for quite a while.  So I, like you, was astounded to see the following commercial during this month's Super Bowl, and as a result I have to analyze it a bit.  Below is the extended, two-minute version, which you can't find on TV anymore:

What I love about this commercial is the following:

1. The dialogue: Somehow the voiceover work for what I think is a luxury car commercial sounded edgy, brash, and blue-collar, and all the while matched the essence of the commercial - namely, that Detroit (and its cars) are resurgent, and we should all buy one.  Usually if you strip away just the wording of a luxury car commercial and repeat it to yourself out loud, you'll sound like the douchiest douche that ever douched.  Not in this case.  The lyrics (and yes, this commercial had lyrics) told a story, accentuated by the phrase "to hell and back," which worked better than 99.99% of any of the curse words I ever used, and effectively communicated what the Chrysler 200 stands for.
2. The voiceover artist:  A 59-year-old gruff-looking freelance voiceover artist from Michigan was the voice you heard in this commercial.  He sounded perfect; he sounded like Detroit.  He sounded like the kind of guy who's spent every Friday night following his Cutty Sark with an unironically-consumed PBR.  He sounds like he belongs to an autoworkers union and actually works hard.  He sounds old and wrecked by cigarettes and angry, and (here I'm conjecturing a bit) that's how we should feel when we think about Detroit and the sad stories it contains. 
3. The car: Black was a good choice for the color.  It looks sleek.  I'll wait for Consumer Reports to recommend it first.
4. The cinematography: We needed to physically see Detroit in this commercial, and this commercial managed to capture a city in two minutes in the same way that David Simon captured Baltimore in "The Wire."  Gritty, tough as nails, sad but defiant.  Short snippets worked way better than a smaller number of longer shots would have.  It was like being taken for a ride.
5. Eminem, and specifically the strategic use of his 2002 hit "Lose Yourself" juxtaposed with a gospel choir: Holy shit, that was really cool.  The "Lose Yourself" beat alone is often enough to prompt riots.  The gospel remix, particularly in the empty worndown theater, had spectacular dramatic effect.  Not thrilled with the last ten seconds of the commercial - Eminem doesn't sound like he's from Detroit - but that's a minor quibble.

So, in general, I loved this commercial.

In cinema, when I think of how music can interplay with cinematography and dialogue, I always think of Scorcese.  The scene from "Goodfellas" where you see how the crew got killed one at a time, to the tune of the piano coda to Clapton's "Layla," is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen.  It's both jarring and beautiful, it outlines death in all its brutality, and the music blends with the camerawork to create a coherent experience.  It's the scene in the movie that people talk about the most, and with good reason.

I realize that we're talking about a commercial here.  It's obviously derivative to the type of feel and musical juxtaposition that Scorcese (and others) have been using for the past twenty years, and it's also impossible to provide much of the same context in a commercial's timeframe (even if the commercial clocks in at over two minutes).  But it gets an A for effort, for being memorable, and for being extremely well thought-out.

Grade: A