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Advertisement #1: Don't Get Stuck in a Roadside Ditch
Readers of this series know that I've long enjoyed DirecTV commercials. This year's campaign is a series of commercials centered around logical-yet-absurd chains of thought ("When X, you Y... when Y, you Z...") that start with the premise of poor cable customer service and end with a ridiculously implausible outcome (in the above advertisement, which is one of four I've seen on the air this year, our protagonist ends up in a roadside ditch).
I can see these commercials being somewhat controversial - they require the viewer to pay attention and wait for the hook, which is almost at the end of the spot. I can't argue this; some viewers may not pay attention, but I love these commercials nonetheless. I love most that they're based on the fundamental premise that people want to make good decisions - a completely different idea than other over-saturated ad campaigns (like AT&T Wireless, and did I mention yet in this post that AT&T Wireless has the worst ad campaign on TV right now?) which tend to emphasize the shallow, nastier recesses of our personalities.
By sending the commercial's main character through a series of less and less fortunate outcomes, DirecTV sends home the message that, though picking the wrong TV provider won't get you killed, it'll probably make your life suck for a while. Of course, DirecTV cannot be literal in describing how picking the incorrect TV provider sucks (commercials showing people on hold with customer service are always infuriating). So humor has to serve as an analogy for this suckitude, and it also helps solve another problem that I'm betting DirecTV (and every other company that sells these services) has to deal with.
Allow me to explain:
If your household is anything like mine, you average about two years with a TV provider before switching to a different one. For instance, once our 24 month Verizon FiOS triple play promo ends in the middle of next year, we'll probably switch back to Cablevision (under my wife's name, not mine, because we had an account under my name with Cablevision from 2009 until 2011) for two more years. Then in 2015, we'll switch back to FiOS but use my name for a couple of years, until that promotional rate runs out as well. In 2017, we'll opt to have microchips implanted in the visual cortices of our brains by North Central Positronics, Inc., which will allow us to watch TV in our minds. I look forward to 2017.
My point here is that, unless a TV service user is so lazy that they don't mind paying exorbitant fees once their promotional rate runs out, or unless they are such talented negotiators that they end up sticking around at the discounted rate for years and years, they're not going to be very loyal to the service. As a result, staying in the public consciousness and offering a low teaser rate for a couple of years are probably the only ways to get people to switch to a TV service. You'd better have good commercials if you're going to try to pull this off, and here DirecTV certainly fits the bill.
Grade: B+
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Advertisement #2: Simplicity in a Car Commercial
I feel the issue with car commercials (and forgive me if I'm repeating myself here) is that car companies often have a difficult time not pigeon-holing themselves into a specific demographic. Great car commercials are rare because the types of messages that are simple enough and distinct enough to appeal across ages, genders, and other demographics are also rare. (They are also rare because regional and local car dealerships seem to intentionally create some of the worst commercials on the air, but this is an entirely different story.)
The elements of the above commercial, for the Volkswagen Passat, that work across demographics are twofold. First, everyone remembers the emotions associated with crashing (or almost crashing) their first car - you're scared to death, you're convinced the car is in worse shape than it actually is (like the car in the ad above), and you're convinced that your parents are going to kill you. None of these things are actually true, but they're how you feel at the time. The teenaged actors set the scene within the first six seconds of the commercial; you know what's going on, and you can immediately relate.
But there's a second layer of meaning here that I think works best for parents (but also works pretty well for anyone who's ever had parents); the idea that the car doesn't matter to a parent, what matters is that the child is safe. Cars can be fixed, children are irreplaceable. The tagline "He can only kill you if you're OK" is perfect for the overall tenor of the ad - simple and stark.
Volkswagen is absolutely killing it these days with a recent series of commercials devoted to safety in automobiles. It's a brilliant campaign in general, because almost every driver cares about safety (and those who don't care about safety are unlikely to buy a VW in the first place). This commercial achieves the near-impossible - an emotionally strong message packaged in a simple and non-confusing ad.
Grade: A
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Advertisement #3: Lisa Rossland, Meditation and Chakra Balancing in Love-Relationships-Health and Business, Hates You and Hates the Environment
I know, this is a print advertisement and not a commercial. I still think it's worth a review. Allow me to explain:
I work in an office which happens to be located inside a shopping center (kind of like a strip mall, but without the shady massage parlor). Once every month, I walk out of my office and inevitably I will find one of the above advertisements taped to my car (or sometimes attached to my windshield, where I can drive away with it still attached).
This annoys me deeply, so in the interest of venting, here are a bunch of reasons why this is a terrible advertisement.
The first reason why these advertisements are terrible is because they lack a "hook" or interesting aspect entirely. People never read them; they always crumple them up and throw them on the parking lot asphalt. This leads to an incredible mess which lasts for days.
The second reason is because it's written in pretty God-awful English (sorry the picture is a little blurry, I took it with my cell phone). The third reason is because every advertisement is terrible when you see it plastered to your car once a month, every month, for at least a year. The fourth reason is because the services being offered are complete bullshit and fake hackery. The fifth reason is because I would assign a 104 percent probability to this woman owning at least five cats and a Saab that is at least ten years old. The sixth is because I bet she doesn't shave her armpits. And seventh, finally, when these ads get plastered to your car and then it starts pouring rain, like this afternoon, it's damned near impossible to scrape the residue off your windshield and/or the body of your car.
But hey: at least I'm convinced that it is not true that Lisa Rossland raped and killed a girl in 1990. Certainly it is impossible that Lisa Rossland raped and killed a girl in 1990. If anyone out there can prove that Lisa Rossland raped and killed a girl in 1990, please, stop gossiping about it and go straight to the police with it.
(If you don't get the reference, the video is right below.)
Grade: F (the Gilbert Gottfried video gets an A+, however)
